Hi Rob

I like to think that in all my years of having nosebleeds (19 and counting) I have learnt something of this strange anomaly. Here is my story.

When I was 4 years old, this kid who used to bully me at primary school picked up the back legs of my chair and whisked them away. Without a single moment to react, I smacked my face hard on the desk. This caused my nose to begin bleeding profusely, although it was not broken. The bleeding lasted for about 4 hours.

Since then I seem to get them without any warning. The temperature seems to affect them, but only in extreme heat. Stress does not seem to be a factor, as I never get stressed about anything. I used to be able to bring them on at will by rubbing the left side of the bridge of my nose (I have only ever had a nosebleed from my left nostril, the right one is fine and dandy).

It varies greatly though. Some days I will have upwards of 10. One day I had over 20. Other days I will have them less often, but they will be of a heavier flow. I find the most effective way to stop them is to staunch the flow of blood by inserting a self patented "Nasal Tampon" up the nose. This is usually one square of toilet paper, rolled into a long cigarette shape, and then folded to increase the girth. This process may need to be repeated if the blood starts pouring through the paper. Once I am happy that the nasal tampon has been in place for long enough, I remove the voluntary blockage and blow my nose. This clears out the blood clot and appears to stop the bleeding entirely. Naturally there is a dry powdery residue, but this is part and parcel of the nosebleed effect.

I have had my nose cauterised twice. From what I recall it was very painful indeed. As they cannot administer a local anaesthetic to the affected area, they simply have to stick what is essentially a soldering iron up your nose and fumble around until they can no longer smell searing flesh. This is meant to fix the root of the problem, but it did not work for me. Don't let that dishearten you though, it may work for other people. I am a very strange individual.

I have no idea what causes them, but they're not as bad these days as they used to be. Once I had one that lasted for an entire day of school (8-3:30) and then bled on the bus all the way home. And I had one the other day when I was driving back from Maidstone at midnight. A nosebleed at 90mph is not fun, and I got home looking like I had been smacked squarely in the shnozz.

I don't think I have anything to worry about, surely I would have found out if I had a serious condition by now. I embrace the nosebleed and use it to my advantage to get out of work, social gatherings, chores and so on. Give my nasal tampon tip to your Dad, he might find that it works.

Oh, and if you ever get the hiccups, take a mouthful of water, cover both your ears, then swallow. Repeat this a couple of times and the symptoms associated with hiccupping (hiccups) go away. Tried and tested.

If there is any other info you'd like then please let me know. Otherwise, do enjoy this article.

Cheers

Strada does a nice selection of Italian food. I am not a huge fan of Italian. I am a medium fan of Italian. Here's what I had.

Starter:

Antipasto

3 slices each of prosciutto ham, bellotta salami and buffalo mozzarella; topped off with a healthy looking slice of toastified garlic bread.

Main Course:

Pizza Cotto

A large thin crust pizza with cheese, mushrooms, black olives and parma ham riding high on it like a doughy surfboard.

Dessert:

Fondante Al Cacao

Words cannot describe this. It was a chocolate cake thing (which Steven Paul Allen pointed out as looking like a pork pie) with warm choccy magma and a large globule of vanilla creamed ice. Here is me expressing my undying love for the pudding.

Yesterday went quickly, today is not so quick. I'm hoping that once lunch is out of the way the day will go a little faster and I can go home. I went to the pool club after work last night with Steven Paul Allen and Carl Wright. I was actually pretty good, if I'm perfectly frank with you. I won my first 4 or 5 games, and it seemed that I was unbeatable. But after a few silly mistakes things began to even up. I did come back from an attempted 7-ball episode courtesy of Carl Wright, and I won the match. He exchanged a sporting handshake to commend my efforts. I think my ability is improving.

Whilst we were there I put some money in the jukebox. I will try to recall all the songs, but forgive me if I miss a couple out:

"Love Will Tear Us Apart" - Joy Division
"Slam" - Pendulum
"Crosstown Traffic" - Jimi Hendrix
"Purple Haze" - Jimi Hendrix
"12:51" - The Strokes
"Last Nite" - The Strokes
"My Sharona" - The Knack
"Jump" - Kriss Kross
"Spitfire" - The Prodigy
"Smack My Bitch Up" - The Prodigy
"Poison" - The Prodigy

Once we had finished I dropped Steven Paul Allen off at his abode, and then continued on to my very own residence. It was here that I consumed a roasted dinner that my very own Mother had prepared for me earlier in the evening. I did this whilst watching Sky Sports News. I did not have anything to drink with this dinner. When I finished I ate a Babybel, this is a foodstuff that I could eat roughly one million units of and not get sick of it.

When all was said and done it was time to jump on MSN to talk to Ali for a bit. As always "a bit" turned nicely into 2 and a half hours, but it was soon time to go to bed. I was feeling rather tired so I thought I would drop right off to sleep. Alas, I did not, and I had to resort to watching a couple of episodes of season 6 of Scrubs in order to do the trick. I stopped the DVD as soon as I felt myself begin to fall into sleep, and I put on the CDs that Ali made for me last week. It's very handy owning a 3-CD Changer stereo, seeing as she made 3 CDs for me. It's just nice not having to get up to change the disc. This is one of the reasons why kids today are so fat. That and TV remotes. The only two causes of fatness known to man.

In exactly one hour and fifteen of your English minutes, I will be embarking on lunch. This still involves sitting at my desk, but with the added bonus of playing Roberto Baggio's Magic Kicks for a solid hour to try to beat my lunchtime best of 86 goals. That's more than one a minute if we're talking in English.

I will also be looking on Amazon to see if there is anything worth purchasing. I still have a residual gift certificate balance on my account, so rest assured I am in the market for some new DVDs or CDs.

I woke up early on a Saturday morning. It was too early to say what time exactly, but I would assume it was 6:04am. I got out of my bed and went to my brother's room to rouse him. He was already awake so I didn't have to jump on his bed. We went downstairs to watch cartoons, an act that was not uncommon. I would go so far as to say that it was the custom of the time. It was just something that we liked to do.

In the lounge my Mum had been doing the ironing. There were remnants and relics of this chore, piles of folded clothes on the ironing board, a small mountain of underwear piled on the sofa, and a large wooden coat rack on which some of my Dad's shirts were hanging. The coat rack usually resided in the hallway, but for some reason it had been moved in to the front room. I did not question this at the time.

My brother, who had been watching cartoons, got up and offered to make me breakfast. I asked for Coco Pops. This was a real rarity, but for some reason I did not question this either. I was just happy to be watching cartoons. So my brother left the room and went to the kitchen, leaving me to my own devices. I cracked on with the 'toons because I bloody well loved them. I barely noticed that the coat rack had moved a few inches.

My viewing was interrupted by a low moaning noise. It was an alien noise to me at the time, but now I realise that it's a similar sound to the one that a zombie from the video game "Resident Evil" would make in years to come. I initially thought this moaning was on the TV, so I thought nothing of it. That was until I clocked that the coat rack had moved toward me another couple of inches.

I called for my brother, but he couldn't hear me. I was a bit frightened by the noise and the moving and everything. Then I caught sight of the shirt hanging on the coat rack. The back of the shirt was facing me, and smack bang in the middle was a horrible mouth, chomping away and issuing threats along the lines of "I'm going to eat you...". The mouth resembled that of a sting ray, but with two beady little eyes above it. I tried to scream but it was no use, I was frozen with fear. Then the coat rack started walking towards me, with The Shirt Monster in tow.

Here is a list of some places that I have been sick:

In one evening I was sick in my room, my sister's room and the bathroom. I was 13 and had drunk a rather heady cocktail that consisted of everything imaginable.

Round a friend's house after downing 13 pint cans of Stella Artois. I blocked and filled up his sink and my friend Matt was dipping bread in my stomach muck and feeding it to me. Then they pushed me down the stairs.

In my Mum's car when she picked me up from a party after I had performed 6 Budweiser strawpedos in a row and then repeated the act using a 35cl bottle of Smirnoff Vodka. I tried to get the window open but turned on the heated seat button instead. At least my bum was warm while I was chucking up all over the closed window.

Out of the dining room window of our old house once I had gotten home from the strawpedo party.

In my bed in my first year after drinking a whole bottle of Absolut Vodka in about 30 minutes.

In the bathroom of my first year house after a particular heavy night drinking cocktails from Wetherspoon's.

On the bar and dancefloor of "Shades" night club in Falmouth. I was also sick in my drink and in an effort to disguise this fact, I continued to drink from the glass. The poor bar man had to scrape up my expulsion with a dustpan and brush.

In the sea after swallowing some sea water. I hadn't touched a drop of alcohol.

In the bath of the second house I lived in at University. I had eaten a lot of Biltong, that South African delicacy. It's like beef jerky. Poor Chazz had to have a shower in the morning and there were pieces of meat in the bath.

Into a Pot Noodle cup after drinking a lot and eating a Pot Noodle.

All over my floor on the day after results day. I had eaten practically nothing but a sausage roll. I didn't even get up, I just poked my head over the side and let it all go. Whatever it was that came out of me (bile, stomach acid, blood) it was pitch black and impossible to clean off.

In the car park of ASDA on the outskirts of Falmouth on the same day as the black goo incident.

In the dining room of my friend Rach's house during her 22nd birthday party. It was a bad idea eating those marshmallows and chocolate fondue.

In my bathroom of our current house after drinking 4 bottles of red wine. I made it to the bathroom without spilling a drop, emptied myself and then fell asleep on the cold tiled floor until 6am. I also broke a champagne flute when I was trying to help my Mum tidy the kitchen up.

As you are all aware, I woke up early on Saturday. After a rather busy day of playing pool and tripping up to London, I came home around 7:30pm and proceeded to watch "Office Space" whilst laying down on my bed. This proved to be a bad move, as I fell asleep and was subsequently woken up by the loud noises of the television. I remedied this by switching off the DVD player with my remote, and turning off the TV with my foot. I am not a standby merchant, perish the thought! I actively discourage the use of the standby function made available on all modern appliances.

Once this task had been completed I decided that I would indeed enjoy a nap. The only problem with this is that once I am asleep, it is difficult to rouse me by way of textual message. Coincidentally this is what happened, I received a text, and didn't get it until the phone rang a full hour later. It was nice being woken up, and I bet I sounded really rough. Sometimes when I'm awoken suddenly you can ask me a simple question like "Do you want anything to eat?" and I'll go on for minutes about how I really like to eat things. It's a very strange "gift" indeed.

After I had finished conversing via telephony, I retired back to watch the rest of "Office Space", it really and truly is one of my favourite films. Then when it finished I received another phone call which I answered with aplomb. This was a nice way to end the day, and it enabled me to sleep like a log until 8am on Sunday morning.

Annoyed that I could not sleep in again, I watched "American History X" for the umpteenth time. When this was done it was time for a bacon sandwich with a helping of ketchup and a smidgen of mayonnaise. Not too much, just right. Once this was done I accompanied my brother to the pool club to hand out another beating at God's finest pub game.

When we returned I cracked on with reading "Non-Fiction" by Chuck Palahniuk. I had started reading this on the train home from London and found it to be most agreeable. Very interesting stuff in there. Whilst I was enjoying my Sunday afternoon read, I nodded off yet again. Oh, how the dogs stack up!

When I awoke it was decidedly later, so I whacked a copy of "This Is Spinal Tap" into the DVD player and proceeded. Then I stopped it halfway through and spoke to Ali for a few hours which was very nice. Then I played my guitar loudly for a spell. After this Ali phoned and we had exchanged some words in a pleasant manner. When all was said and done I returned to "This Is Spinal Tap". Ali phoned to say goodnight, and so I returned the sentiment and wished her a good night's sleep. Lovely stuff.

I celebrated my early arisal with a viewing of "Hot Fuzz". It was primo, it really was. I even watched a couple of the bonus materials for shits and giggles. I must say, there was rather a lot of giggling taking place in my wide awake solace. After this event had taken place I ventured down to the kitchen to prepare myself some beans on toast. I washed the whole kit and caboodle down with a glass of milk. I just can't get enough of the stuff, my bones must be stronger than pure carbon by now. Surely. Shirley.

Yesterday I had an entire day off work. This is good because Fridays are generally shit, what with the lack of available human resources (we have quite a few part timers in my team and none of them work on a Friday). This was not the reason why I took the day off, no no no. Yesterday was the commencement of the first meeting between myself and Ali. And it was in Maidstone, a place which I have never visited before.

Hey girls! Hey boys! Superstar DJs! Here we go!

Got in the car at 10:25am. Set up the GPS unit that I borrowed from my brother. Got on my way by 10:31am. I had the route written down as well, just a formality. I was relying on the GPS to do the bulk of the work. One shot and no messing. The drive was a lot quicker and easier than I had anticipated. The place is well signposted from my neck of the woods, and the GPS telling me every five seconds to "At the next junction... keep right, then... keep right...". This was his way of saying "Don't take the next junction, you shower of shit. "Stay on target" as Red Leader would say.

It was great fun, I drove through this one bit that had a localised rain cloud dispensation. The visibilty was down to mere feet. So I took my sunglasses off and then it was extended to mere metres. But I made it through alive. Honest to God I did.

Maidstone is actually a really nice place. A river runs through it. Well, by it. Sort of. It was quality. I met Ali and we walked into the town and found a pub that was called "The Muggleton" somethingorother. This pub had a few old people milling about, so naturally we spoke at them. They couldn't hear.

After this we found a pub that had a pool table. I was promised a beating at pool, so I relished the chance to seal victory. And this I did. All thanks to the choice tunes on the jukebox. I won't go on about my victory because it might annoy some people who might be reading this. But rest assured, it was a comprehensive beating.

We then went to the cinema and saw a film called "Vacancy". It was good. It's always a good idea to see a horror type film on a date, because you end up being physically assaulted by your date. It was enjoyable to the max. Although there were some girls sitting right behind us who insisted on talking over the film, these little darlings were dealt with expertly by myself and Ali. Believe it.

I have also been charged with doing a write up of our recent work BBQ. That will be done by the end of the afternoon, I promise you all.

Tomorrow will be my first encounter with Ali. I am looking forward to it very much so. I have taken the day off work, and I shall be driving to our drop zone in the morning. Naturally I am nervous, but this is to be expected, no? It's very exciting. Very exciting indeed.

So once The Sopranos has run it's course I have season 6 of Scrubs to watch. I don't think Scrubs is as good as it used to be, but at least it's something to watch. Maybe once those are out of the way I can make a start on the multitude of films that I have bought recently but not gotten around to watching. It's a hard life, I tell you.

I am having withdrawal symptoms from pool. I might have to get myself down there tonight or tomorrow evening. I am still in training for "the big match" on Friday, which I will naturally win anyway, but it's just a nice thing to work on one's technique. Helps both ways.

For the first time in many many years I made a mixtape. If I remember rightly the last time I used a cassette tape was way back in 2000 before I bought my first minidisc player. Those were the days, fast forwarding through the duff songs, rewinding if you wanted to replay a track... And the hazards abound from leaving a tape near a magnetic object! Still, it's fun to unwind all the tape and see how long you can keep it running off. I remember once I threw a spool of tape out of the bus window and it was unravelling for ages before it got snagged on a tree and was yanked out of my grasp.

"Slam" - Pendulum
"No One Knows" - Queens Of The Stone Age
"Black Dog" - Led Zeppelin
"Like A Rollin' Stone" - Bob Dylan
"Last Nite" - The Strokes
"Love Will Tear Us Apart" - Joy Division
"Last Stop: This Town" - Eels

So on Friday it only bloody happened like this. I finished work and went for a swift pint in The Priory with Marc Haridimou. It was all in aid of a person who had left the company and requested a leaving drink. I obliged, but the man who was celebrating his departure was very very late. As a result myself and Marc Haridimou left just after the guest of honour arrived. Busy schedules you see.

So once I had returned home from the pub, I collected my brother and we went to play a few games of pool at the establishment I have just joined. It was £3 for a guest, which is a bit silly considering it's £5 a year to become a member. But I digress. We played American pool. I don't like it that much because the tip of the cues are massive, really quite large. And the balls are huge too, like jaffas they are. And the pockets are akin to a common or garden bucket. It's really rather ridiculous, like an cariacture of normal European 8-ball pool. Needless to say, I didn't fare too well. My brother found some form whilst using the rest thing, but then it dipped. I managed to snatch a couple of games from his greedy little hands, but it was not enough. I really should get some practice in on the old American pool.

Then I retired home and sat on MSN for a few hours. This was a nice thing to do really, and my face hurted from smiling like a goon. And then when I was preparing myself a tasty bowl of Ricicles, the unthinkable happened. I received a phone call from a certain young lady. I'd be lying if I said I was frozen with fear. So I answered the call and to my surprise I was 100% relaxed. It was just flowing prose. Flowing prose. It was a really nice conversation, and I was pleased with how easy it felt.

So I got a good night's sleep on Friday night, but I was awoken at 6:30am or thereabouts by a huge downpour of liquid water from the sky. Once I had been awoken like the dragon, I stayed awake for the rest of the day. I didn't mind though, it was quality. I got to play guitar in my pyjamas, watch some boxing, eat a bacon sandwich, and so on. And then I was invited round to "The House of AllenCox" in Shire Place. The hook was baited with the promise of a BBQ and some Wii action, so naturally I fell for it: hook, line and sinker.

I bought some BBQ paraphenalia and visited AllenCox at Shire Place. To my surprise there were a fair few people there, and it was certainly exciting to this young man to meet some new faces. I shall list them now.

Chris Cooke (who lived up to his name and cooked the food on the BBQ)
Ben Measures (who lived up to his name and carefully measured out his steps on Wii bowling)
Nick (who didn't live up to his name because nothing was nicked by him)
Matt (who didn't live up to his name because he didn't lie on the floor and let people wipe their feet on him)
Steve Allen (who can't possibly live up to his name because what does a "Steve" do?)

We were joined later on in the day by Jonathan Joseph of Canon Contract Management Scotland & North fame. This was a pleasing development. He really enjoyed playing on the Wii. He bloody loved it.

So we played a lot of Wii and I won quite a few different games, but as time went on people got better and better and it was harder to secure victory. I made up for this by having a few beers and a couple of burgers. It was a balancing act that paid off in the best possible way. I returned home at 4:30pm and spoke to the "certain young lady" for a couple of hours. Then I returned to "The House of AllenCox" around 8:30pm. More Wii was had, and this has made my elbow hurt quite a lot. I won't pretend.

Black holes;
The space/time continuum;
Glacial motion;
Continental drift;
Anti-matter;
Supernovae;
The human subconscious;
Gene therapy;
Mind contra control;
Thought processes;
Psilocybins;
Synapses;
Serotonin production and effects;
20th century literature;
Typography;
Expressionist cinema;
Goya;
Extra sensory perception;
Flux capacitors.

Now there can't be a lot of "professions" where the service is sex and the payment is drugs or money. I wonder what they could be referring to... A bank clerk? A pharmacist?

But alas, the service will be free. I have tried to pay my way, but the owner of the dealership has stated on more than one occasion that there was no charge involved. This is a very kind gesture, and it shall not go unrewarded. Seeing as I'm clued up on my wine, I might buy him a bottle of red. Red wine is the only way to fly, white wine makes my teeth hurt.

This brings me to the reason why I am early into work. You have to understand this, the guy who owns the car dealership lives just down the road from work, about a mile as the crow flies, but it's more like 2 miles on foot. Deceptacon!

I spoke to him yesterday, his name is Paul, I just thought I'd throw that in there because it's easier than me having to refer to him as "The man who owns the car dealership", very wasteful in terms of vowels and consonants. Waste not, want not. When I spoke to him on the day of yest, he informed me that he leaves for work at 7:25am. I remarked that this was very precise. He agreed. It's nice when people come to an agreement about the time.

So instead of waking up in my usual morning window of 7:15-7:45am, I opted to wake at 6:00am. This did not go entirely to plan, I found that I needed an extra 15 minutes. Those 15 minutes can make all the difference. After all, I didn't want to be so tired that I might run someone over on my way to Paul's house when it could have been so easily avoided by an extra 15 minutes.

Indeed I did not run anyone over this morning. I extend my streak of not running people over to almost 5 years. It'll be 5 years in August, I hope I don't run anyone over before then, otherwise it will all have been for nothing.

So anyway, I am going off on a tangent. I dropped the car off to Paul at 7:10am thereabouts. Then I set on my merry way, on foot, to work. I kept myself occupied by listening to music as I walked. Sometimes I like to mime to the words like I'm in a music video playing the role of a bloke walking along singing. It's just something I've always done. But this morning I did not because there was broad daylight all over the place, and people would have seen me and judged me. Heaven forfend!

So here I sit, early at work. I am very shrewd though, very shrewd. I am working from 8am - 3:30pm. Normally I would be expected to work my full quota, but yesterday afternoon I played the "summer hour" card, so I get to leave an hour earlier. The official reason for "summer hours" is to allow employees to spend an extra hour with their families during the summer, when the weather is nice. We have 8 hours each to use, and it's up to us when we take them. I'm taking one a week because the offer runs for 8 weeks.

I don't have a top 8 here.

2. What is your favorite possession?

My acoustic guitar. If there's a power cut I can keep everyone entertained by playing duelling banjos.

3. Do you own a gun?

My Dad used to have a gun cabinet. The only gun I have is for Time Crisis on Playstation one.

4. If you could tell your last ex something what would you say?

All your college friends were up themselves.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?

Nope.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?

I think you shouldn't leave them in a car in direct sunlight.

7. What’s your favorite Christmas song?

I'll tell you what my least favourite Christmas song is. "Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney & Wings. Simply awful.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?

Water or milk.

9. Can you do push ups?

Yes.

10. Is your bathroom clean?

Very, you should see for yourself.

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?

The watch that my Dad gave me.

12. Do you take painkillers?

Yeah, but only when I need to. I don't take them religiously.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?

My guitar skillz.

14. Do you have A.D.D.? [Attention Deficit Disorder]?

No, but I think everyone is autistic to a degree. I think I am. I'm a folder, not a crumpler.

15. Whats your name?

Ian

16. Middle Name(s)?

Sandford

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?

1. Let's try to get the most out of the remainder of my lunch break
2. Pool club beckons
3. The first rule of Pool Club is: You do not talk about Pool Club.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought?

1. Minute Maid juice
2. Sausage Baguette
3. The Hustle Series 1-3 for Father's Day

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:

1. Water
2. Milk
3. 5 Alive Berry Blast

20. Last movie watched?

Seeing as The Sopranos doesn't count, I have to say "American Graffiti".

21. Number 1 fear?

Flying. Number one with a bullet.

22. Current worry?

Will I have enough money to last me the month once my guitar finance goes out on the 18th?

23. Current hate?

People nicking my parking space.

24. Favorite place to be?

In a bar playing pool and drinking beers.

26. Where would you like to go?

Vermont.

27. Do you own slippers?

Yes, but I never use them.

28. What shirt are you wearing?

A blue and white polo shirt.

30. Favorite color(s)?

Green. All the way.

31. Would you be a pirate?

Yarr. I love pirate-y things (Monkey Island, Sid Meier's Pirates!).

32. Are you gay?

No, but I don't have a problem if you are.

33. Do you sing in the shower?

No, usually because my voice hasn't softened up by then. It's not advisable to sing Barry White songs in the shower. I wait until I get in the car.

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?

Death.

35. Current craving?

Marmite.

36. Superman, Spiderman, or Batman?

Spiderman, fo' real.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?

Spiderman, fo' real.

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?

Broken teeth.

39. Are you currently in school?

No, I'm currently at work.

40. Who is your most favorite person at the moment?

David Chase for making more episodes of The Sopranos.

41. Who is your loudest friend?

Steve when he's drunk.

42. Who is your most silent friend?

Steve when he's sober.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?

I am too unobservant and aloof to notice half the time, and then the moment is gone. Dag yo.

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?

Yes, but I can't remember if they came true.

45. What is your favorite book?

I have a couple:

1. "Hey Nostradamus!" by Douglas Coupland
2. "Life After God" by Douglas Coupland
3. "Life Of Pi" by Yann Martell

46. What is your favorite candy?

Kinder.

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?

I've never thought about it. I think you have to have a common song, all parents have a song don't they? It's probably the song that is playing when you first kiss... Knowing my luck it'll be something by 50 Cent.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?

Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangster" by Ghetto Boys.

49. What were you doing @ 12 AM last night?

Talking to Ali. Trying my hardest to make her laugh, honest. I was also listening to some good music.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?

Nevertheless, I fell out of bed and made my way to the shower. It was here that I proceeded to shower. If you are observant you will notice that the same word can be a noun and a verb at the same time. I am a wordsmith of the highest calibre.

So when I was driving to work it felt like I had been drinking. I could not keep my eyes open and my driving was abysmal. But I arrived at 8:31am, only to see Paul Rodgers steal my parking space. That's the second time in as many days that I've not been able to park in this preferred space. I shot him an angry glance as he sauntered off from his car, and I can honestly say that I shook my fist at him.

I had something to eat at work, and this woke me up. I don't feel quite so tired now. I would like to say that it is my fault that I am so tired, but the truth of the matter is that I was kept awake against my will. This person knows who they are, and they'll try to deny it, but you can't deny scientific fact...

Lunch time is coming soon, and it is then that I will watch the multitude of youtube videos that have been sent my way. I am looking forward to it.

I'm also thinking about joining my local snooker/pool club. I think it would be good to have a few games every once in a while. £5 a year for membership? You can't go far wrong with that, so say I.