How To Make A Crisp Sandwich

Following on from my idea to make and eat a crisp sandwich, I made the decision to catalogue the chain of events leading up to the consumption. Please feel free to follow along with the simple step-by-step instructions.

This is the kitchen. This is ground zero for the crisp sandwich manufacturing. This will be my workbench for the next 5 minutes.

It's quite literally a fridge filled with fish (third shelf, if you please). Here we will find the cheese (second shelf) and the tomato ketchup (just out of sight) for the sandwich. These are integral ingredients.

This is the cheese. At this point I have already noted the crumbly nature of the beast, and I'm not looking forward to trying to applicate the cheese to the sandwich base.

The crisps have been retrieved from the cupboard. This is the "meat" of the sandwich. Salt & Vinegar is the only way to fly Crisp Airways.

The marinade is finally here. Resplendent in it's squeezy bottle and "Stay Clean Cap", it's a sauce fit for a king.

And last, but certainly not least, the bread aroud which the whole thing is built. We are finally ready to make the sandwich.

Here is the food laid out in a scientific formula format. I made the plus signs myself using electrical tape.

The unveiling of the cheese is a momentous occasion. As I had feared, the cheese is crumbled beyond recognition. This will not be a pretty sight.

I managed to catch the ketchup mid-flow. You have no idea how hard it is to take a still photo whilst operating a tomato ketchup bottle. No idea whatsoever.

Just look at the state of that cheese! It's not the end of the world though, I'm going to be turning it into poo in a short while.

Adding the crisps is my favourite part. I can't resist helping myself to a couple whilst I toss them onto the sandwich. "One for me, one for you".

This is my second favourite bit. The reason it is second in line is because I enjoy eating it the most. You get such a satisfying crunch, as if you were breaking the bones of your enemies with just one hand.

10 out of 10 for presentation. Laid out on a plate with the remaining crisps as a garnish. That serviette will come in handy too. It's on one of those lap trays with the beanbag bit at the base. It's no coincidence that it's my favourite tray to boot.

99% complete. As you will see, I have coupled the solids with a glass of ice cold nice cold milk. It's in a Guinness Extra Cold glass. I like to pretend that it's Guinness that has inversed it's colour. White Guinness. The Cricket is on and that is the smug mug of Anil Kumble that you see before your very eyes. All that is left to do is eat the little bugger.

Whew! I made short work of that one. I save a few crumbs for the sandwich fairies. It is right and honourable to leave crumbs on the plate.

And don't forget, they don't have a National Crisp Sandwich Day, because every day is Crisp Sandwich Day. Try one today, you won't be disappointed.