I am unable to do anything work related as our computer system is, once again, down. I'll be honest with you, it's shit. Nevertheless, this inability to do any work has gifted me with some time to catch up on the events of the last week. In the immortal words of Samuel L. Jackson, "Hold onto your butts".

The main event of last week was the company-wide "Kick Off" conference. This is effectively a sales backslapping exercise, held up in London, England. There is not much point in my department attending the conference, as we barely got a mention for all the stupidly hard work we have to do. It's a scientific fact that, in doing our jobs successfully, we bring in more money to the company than the salespeople do. It's all about maintenance, you see. You just can't buy this sort of efficiency. Needless to say, yours truly did not receive the recognition he deserved. This was a good thing, because it would have entailed standing on the stage in front of almost everyone who works for my company. I was quite happy to watch from the wings as people tripped over in a rush to get to the stage.

The whole conference was a crashing bore, and I nearly fell asleep towards the end. The only thing that kept me going was playing "The Look-alike Game". Throughout the entire conference I recognised the following people:

Harry Hill / Clive Woodward
Willem Dafoe / The Green Goblin
Groucho Marx
The blue eagle/bird character from The Muppets
Mark Hughes

There were a few more but I have deleted them from my memory in order to free up valuable space for fond childhood memories.

After the conference we went to Namco Station in County Hall, on the South Bank. This was a blast. The company had rented the whole place out and the rumour was that the company had put £10,000 behind the bar. I made full use of this free money and had a plethora of beers. I also played some pool and won hugely on Dancing Stage Euromix. Upon leaving, we went to a club in Mayfair, but were treated like tramps because we didn't have enough ladies with our travelling party. This annoyed the shit out of me, so we left. I came home with Jay, but the others stayed up there. I could not have done this because I was very tired. As it turned out, I was very happy to return to bed.

Another weekend event was a Guitar Hero session. No one can even touch me on this game, I destroy all who step up to the plate. I bought Guitar Hero 3 on Thursday and completed it on Medium level in just under 5 hours. I was annoyed that I had to retry one of the songs.