Had a bit of a windfall at work earlier. Why? Here's why.

Last week one of my colleagues in another department decided to have a "friendly bet" between a handful of people regarding the UEFA Champions League matches that were to be played on Wednesday evening. The bet was to guess how many fouls and corners would be awarded in all four matches. My guess was 98, but I was way off. The correct number was 147. The guy who started the bet had won, very well played.

So on Friday the same man decided to hold another "friendly bet", this time on the Saturday matches involving Premier League, Championship, Scottish Premier League and Scottish Division One games. The bet was to guess how many goals were scored in all matches for these leagues. I went for 68, just because it sounded good to me. There were 7 other people involved, which would have brought in the princely sum of seven English drachma. Nevertheless, I got the number spot on. Hit the nail on the head, I did. 68 of the buggers went into the nets up and down the United Kingdom. Yeah, cough up fella.

So this leads me to the weekend that just was.

Friday night was quite alright (it's a rhyme). It'll be alright on Friday night. I went to play some pool and did OK, won a few, lost a few, had a few drinks. "Few" was the featured word in today's sentence. Then we went for a curry. I tried my hand at a meat samosa, then onwards and upwards to Chicken Tikka Masala and Eggs Fried Rice (I say "Eggs" because that's how it is spelt on the menu at the Curry Garden in Redhill). I ordered the Eggs Fried Rice in exactly the same way as it is written. This garnered little response from the waiter, but significant responses from my fellow eaters. Usually I only try "Eggs" Fried Rice at the Chinese restaurants of England, The Year Of Our Lord, but I thought I'd change things up a bit in the Indian restaurants of our great nation. As a result, the "Eggs" Fried Rice was very tasty. They have also spelt "Almond Powder" incorrectly: they put "Almond Power", which sounds like a pro-nut pop group. The lesser-known beneficial properties of almonds.

After the curry I went to The Sun in Redhill. It was proper packed bruv. It was also filled with clones. Imagine "Multiplicity" crossed with "Grange Hill" and you'll be halfway there. Everyone looked the same. The blokes were all meat-heads with fashionable hair, and the girls were all wearing short shorts and leopard print tops. It was like I had died and ended up in the 80's. Again.

So we stayed in The Sun until closing time. After everyone had cleared off to Liquid & Envy we had the place to ourselves. I was holding in a massive dump and large amounts of methane gas, which I chose to expel in strategic locations. At one point I was pretending to grab a drinks menu from a distant table, just so I could blow off. Unfortunately as I tried to break wind it felt spicy, so I sucked it back in, fearful that perhaps more than gas would reveal itself. In not so many words, I thought I was going to soil myself. This is why I retreated the spicy guest back into my bowels. Whew, that was a close one.