Lunch was a bit of a misnomer today. We set off at 12:30pm with the express interest of going to The Beehive, which is a pub just down the road from the workplace. So we gathered our coats and Bruno Fountain drove down there. This is when it all started to go wrong.

When we got to the pub, there were no parking spaces. This irked all of us four, so Bruno parked in an ungainly "non-space" in front of a van. The reasoning for this? It would be easier to spot people dressed in van attire, at which point Bruno could move his vehicle to a more comely spot. I think you will agree that this was the best course of action, given the limited resources that we had at our disposal.

So we went inside and got to the bar. There were a great many people from work waiting to be served. These are people that we do not tend to hang around with on a day-to-day basis, so we exchanged basic platitudes and carried on with our waiting. Well, we must have been there for ten minutes, and the queue was showing no sign of easing up. I put this down to a combination of slow service and awkward customers. There, I said it. So with all of us four suitably annoyed, we decided to leave in search of greener pastures.

When we set off again, Bruno noticed that he did not have enough petrol to transport us far afield. Indeed, I can concur that the needle was almost at zero. We delegated that we would go to the fish n' chip shop whilst Bruno filled up his car. This seemed like a good idea, so we did this. We all ordered a cheeseburger with chips. Four of them, that is, not just one to share between us. It took a while, but once we received our goods we went back to work and ate in the canteen.

Now then, as I tucked into my cheeseburger and chips, I experienced a distinctly underwhelming emotion. The food was basically rubbish, the chips tasted like sawdust and the burger was messy. It brought to mind that video of David Hasselhoff eating a burger off the floor and mumbling "I'm making a mess". I wasn't impressed with the level of mess. This is another rhyme. Once it was eaten I mused "That was pretty awful".

Not even the can of Cherry Tango could save it from the depths of food purgatory.