Here is a list of some of the things that I have done whilst playing "Grand Theft Auto IV". Some things were done in single player mode, whilst others were performed during "Free Mode" in online multiplayer:
1. Carjacked a truck and drove off with the owner clinging to the door handle. Braked hard so that he flew forwards. Slowly rolled over his head as a final act of indignance.
2. Ran myself over whilst going to the bowling alley on a date.
3. Got chopped into little pieces by helicopter blades whilst trying to board it.
4. Waited for the train to arrive and fill with passengers. Fired a rocket into it just as the doors were closing.
5. Jumped off the tallest building in the game, landing on an old woman. No one survived.
6. Crashed into a lampost whilst escorting a date to a restaurant. Date catapulted through windscreen. Drove off, leaving date to bleed to death.
7. Surrendered to Police Officer after hitting squad car. Accidentally pressed the "Stab" button. Backup Police Officers used a shotgun on my face.
8. Bought hot dog for $5. Ate hot dog. Killed hot dog vendor. $5 back.
9. Hailed taxi. Approached taxi. Shot tyre with pistol. Taxi driver annoyed. Shot taxi driver.
10. Picked up passenger. Drove towards cliff at high speed. Jumped out of car. Passenger falls to certain death.
11. Drove through flaming wreckage. Tyres on fire. Blew up outside hospital.
12. Knocked down lamposts because street was too bright. Changed mind and set car on fire because street was too dark.
13. Scored 180 in one turn at darts.
14. Just missed out on a turkey in bowling.
15. Asked someone out on a date. Stood them up. Went and got drunk with another person.
16. Drove past Police car whilst drunk. Got out of car and tried to run off. Fell over in a drunken heap. Police laugh.
Against my better judgement, I have ventured into work today. The turning point for me was when I went downstairs at 8am, only to be greeted by my Sister.
"Are you not going into work today?" she asks.
"Nope, I still feel like crap" I reply.
"Well that didn't stop you playing your guitar really loud last night".
"What?".
"You shouldn't be listening to loud music when you're ill".
"It's too early for this...".
So I marched upstairs, jumped in the shower, got dressed, and walked out the door. It was the latest that I have left the house in a long time, but I managed to get into work at 8:30am sharp. Not bad going.
I had convinced myself that I would be able to handle a full day at work, but now I'm not so sure. I perked up a little before lunch, but now I'm struggling to concentrate. Those 3 hours of sleep have not prepared me for this.
On Monday evening I took a trip down to Brighton to see "This Will Destroy You" play at The Engine Room. I had two tickets, for I had originally planned to go with Chris Light, but seeing as he is in Australia (and has been for the last two weeks) I had resigned myself to going alone. Then, at 3pm on Monday afternoon, Jay Joseph stated that he would like to join me as he had never been to a gig before. Result.
So we got there around 6:45pm, parked up on the seafront and walked to The Engine Room. We walked straight past it the first time, ending up making a massive circle that encompassed most of Brighton. After some incorrect directions from a cab driver ("I'm definitely, 100% sure it's on Ship Lane"), we found it on Preston Road, which was quite some distance from Ship Lane.
Nice venue, really small. Two support bands, who were both phenomenal, and the main act. Here's a sample of one of their songs, played live:
During the gig I could feel a cold coming on, my nose was becoming congested and I was sneezing a fair bit. I put it all down to working in an open plan office. After the gig, I drove back. We stopped at McDonald's at Gatwick for something to eat. Their late night menu sucks the big one. Only Big Macs and Quarter Pounders. Where's the beef, yo?
Upon returning home, I was safe in the knowledge that I had booked off Tuesday as annual leave, so as to recover from the heaviest weekend in a while, and also the late night bestowed upon me by the gig.
Tuesday: Annual Leave/Sick As A Dog
Woke up at 11am on Tuesday and felt like shit warmed up. I was very angry with myself for having effectively wasted a day's holiday by falling ill. It is common knowledge that I am rarely sick, so this was serious. Luckily I didn't have to undertake my least favourite task: Phoning in sick. I spent the day watching TV and playing guitar. I watched "Sicko" by Michael Moore, and now I have a newfound love for the NHS. Cheers, Mikey.
At 6pm I retired to bed to watch an episode or two of "Oz". After promptly falling asleep during the show, I woke up at 12:30am and found that I simply couldn't return to sleep. I concluded that perhaps another attempted viewing of "Oz" would send me off, but it didn't. Instead I woke up, had something to eat, and commandeered the sofa downstairs. I watched "Thank You For Smoking", which was quite alright. Before I knew it, it was 6am and I jumped in the shower.
Wednesday: Back To Work, But For How Long?
I had convinced myself that I would be 100% fit for work, even though I had already been awake for 6 hours whilst the whole world slept. I got into work at 7am and sorted out the emails that had been sent in my absence. By the time everyone else started arriving, I was in serious trouble. My team leader spotted my ailments and suggested that I leave. So I finished off a few tasks that were in need of my attention, and I left work around 10:50am. I got home at 11am and tried to sleep on the sofa. It wasn't happening, so I played Gran Turismo 5 Prologue until it bored me to sleep. I nodded off watching an episode of Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.
Woke up at 6:43. I jumped out of bed, and followed the sound of the television to the front room. My Sister was in there, fully dressed. "What are you doing up this early?" I asked. "Early?" she replied, "It's not even 7pm yet". You see, I thought that I had slept for 15 hours and woken up on Thursday morning. It was a sign that I was very confused and possibly retarded. I was happy that I had not missed the Champions League clash between United and Roma. Nice.
After the match, I watched the first episode of "The Wire". I think I'm going to like this. Then I went to bed.
Today: 3am
Woke up with a horrible burning sensation in my throat. You see, I am prone to occasional and mild bouts of acid reflux (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acid_reflux), and this was proving to be very uncomfortable indeed. I raced downstairs to locate any form of antacid that I could get my hands on. Luckily I found two Rennie soft chews, and both of them in unison managed to tame the fury in my throat. But it would not be for long.
At 5:30am, after a couple of episodes of "The Office: An American Workplace" I decided to drive to the 24 hour Tesco in order to stock up on more Rennies and cold relief tablets. I plumped for the Beecham's Cold & Flu Relief caplets, they're orange in colour. I also filled up my car with high quality unleaded while I was in the area. I then returned home for 6am, and this is where I am now.
I'm still not up to returning to work, but I hate phoning in sick. I will have to ring in around 8:45am. I now have a lovely cough to add to my list of symptoms, my nose is still running like a tap, I've got a dodgy stomach, I'm sneezing indefinitely, my ears are blocked. I think I'm ill.
