We have a new member in our team at work. I am considering indulging in some friendly hazing shenanigans with this newbie. We're not going to wrap him in a duvet and hit him about the face and neck with socks filled with coins. No, this will be something far less severe, but no less psychologically punishing. Here are some ideas:
Offer to make him a cup of tea or coffee, then fill the hot brew with paper clips.
Adjust the level of his chair in small increments every time he leaves his desk. Eventually he'll be sat really high up and will hopefully resemble an office-bound Ronnie Corbett.
Attach drawing pins to the underside of his telephone handset.
Replace the screensaver/desktop wallpaper on his PC with a picture of Gary Glitter in drag.
Pritt stick every document on his desk together so that when he picks up one sheet of paper, he picks up all of them.
Set up an email rule on his PC to send important communications from various members of staff to the junk mail folder.
Sign him up for all sorts of weird herbal remedies and penis enlargement drugs online.
Black out all the dates on his desk calendar.
Swap his chocolate bourbons for Bonio.
Ring his phone from different workstations throughout the day.
Lock his belongings in his desk and throw away the key.
Unplug his keyboard and mouse on the hour, every hour.
Change his Internet homepage to www.ilovekittens.com.
Cover his monitor in cling film.
List all his stationery on eBay.
Put his security pass in the CD tray of his PC.
Hook up a wireless keyboard to his PC and type words at random whilst he is composing emails to customers.
